My Namesake

I simply love this picture of the whitelily on my blog now. Everytime I look it, I am reminded of a long time ago when I was using the nick for my chatting session. I went by a lot of nicknames but “WhiteLily” was my favourite. That was the id that put Azwaj and me in the love nest so to speak.

Ah.. memories… can you believe I still have our chat transcript after eight years of marriage?

Cheerio…

HA HA HA!

Surprised???!!!

Told you I got too much time on my hands…lol!!

Have a great weekend people!!…

My New Look...

It was this when it was given birth to……

then it was this for a while….

And now.. this is gonna be the new look for a while….lol… I got too much time on my hands…

You like??

Cheerio…

Happy Anniversary Love..

Your essence, your being,
Just takes me away…
Back to a time way back.

Back when charming princes
In shining armor, on white horses,
Flourished, their swords,
Making the princesses swoon.

You do that to me,
Make me laugh, and fret,
And swoon, on occasion.

But without a sword,
Or a great white horse,
Or armor,
You are still a prince.

And my prince,
Whom I’d swoon over,
Any day.
– Araz Havan –

What Makes A Mother?

This might sounds like a strange question but I was watching a back episode of Bold and Beautiful today on the telly (hahehehe.. don’t sneer people, I happened to enjoy the show) and one of the character, Taylor, who was having problem getting pregnant with husband Nick decided to get impregnated with an anonymous donor’s eggs.

It so happened she was accidentally impregnated with Brooke’s eggs. Now Brooke happened to be Nick ex-wife (who is still in love with Nick and vice versa) and her sworn enemy. Anyway after the birth everyone later found out the truth and as expected Brooke developed this connection with the baby coz “I’m the biological mother”.

The episode that I was watching today happened to be the one where Taylor had prematurely gone into labour and the baby was in distress. It was all so chaotic and you can sense the danger that both Taylor and the baby was in.

Anyway.. I’m rambling..

In this scenario, my question is, what makes a mother? Is it the woman who carried the baby for nine months, going through the morning sickness, and the fight for life when delivering the bundle of joy? Or is it the woman who contributed the eggs? Which connection is stronger? Who has the bigger claim over motherhood in this case?

Does Brooke have a bigger say because she is the donor? Was Taylor just a vessel for the new life and have no right over it?

My take on this is that Taylor has all the right in the world to call herself the mother of the child. Simply because without her, there is no baby.. the eggs would not survive without the host and Taylor could have chosen anyone’s eggs to carry in her body. An egg would just be an egg and would remain to be an egg without the vessel in which it is carried to full term and thus to become a baby.

I’d be interested to see what you have to say..

Cheerio…

Man and Wife

Azwaj can’t stand it when I leave him for too long to go back to Singapore, even if it is to visit my mom. Sometimes I have to “bargain” just so I get a longer stay. However, I must admit I like that fact that he would miss me so much that even one week seems like a long time for him.

There are, however, a few of his friends that actually think that he enjoys the time when I do go back to SG. They would comment things like “oh so good, bachelor again. can enjoy!”.. you know silly remarks like that. And I know for a fact that these are the same batch of guys who really enjoy it when their wives “balik kampong” or go back to their hometown. It’s like they are now free to do what they want and when they want it.

I just don’t understand it. To me, it’s kinda sad that you actually prefer to NOT be with your spouse. That you actually prefer to spend time with your friends than your family. I mean I understand that we need alone time to do the stuff that you like and enjoy but to actually look forward for your spouse to leave for somewhere? That’s just sad!

Azwaj says it probably because their wives are so controlling and demanding and would call all the time when they are not at home and so when his friends are left wife-less for a period of time, they actually enjoy the peace of mind.

Sometimes, I really don’t know what to think. All I do know is that you have to give your partner their space so that they appreciate you more I guess. For me, I’ll just keep on doing what I’ve been doing all the time and that is NOT to expect Azwaj to report his every movement to me and to give him my 100% trust that if he said he’s going to a particular location, then that is what he’ll do. I, myself, can’t stand it when wives or girlfriend keep calling their partner even in meetings..!

To each it’s own, I always say.. so be it 🙂

Cheerio…

Diary of a Young Wife

Hahaha.. this is hilarious! Sometimes words are just not meant to be taken literally…

Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.
It’s fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, “beat 12 eggs separately.” Well, I didn’t have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.

Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, “serve without dressing.” So I didn’t dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.

Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, “wash thoroughly before steaming the rice.” So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can’t say it improved the rice anyhow.

Thursday:
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.

It said, prepare ingredients,
then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.” I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right.I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I’ll try to be supportive.

Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, “put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it.” Beat it I did,to my mum’s place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday:
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I’m sure I don’t know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it’s little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance.

When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out
“why me? why me ?”

Hmmm….It must be his job.

Cheerio…

3BT - 14 March 2008

1. Getting my craving of Cheesecake satisfied at 9.30pm yesterday when Azwaj agrees to ride out with me to the local supermarket
2. Having sushi meal at 50% discount
3. Discovering the top commenter widget and sharing it with friends. Everyone is so excited about it. I also found out that I am THE top commenter on GP and Farah’s blog.. Yihaa!!

Cheerio…

I Meant "Fill" Darling..

Every time me and Azwaj recall this particular incident we always end up laughing so hard and Azwaj always ended up saying how lucky he was I was sooo in love in him that I had forgiven him even before he knew he screwed up big time…

Anyway continuing the countdown to our 8th anniversary this 25th March, this incident topped our “he say she say” scenario…

This incident happened during our first few date session. We were chatting over dinner on his couch and I was telling him how he “fills” this void I had in my life, when all of a sudden he said, “I don’t want to “feel” your void”. I was so stunned then, I actually, till now, can’t remember how that conversation ended. The rest of his words were just “blah, blah, blah” to me and all I can think of was, “what is wrong with this fellow?”.

However, at that time I was sooo in love that I overlooked the incident and somehow what happened after that day was not in sync with what he had said that night.

But you know what.. although I forgive I never really forget. Then one day after we were married, I asked him about that night. Azwaj’s memory, as usual, will always be fuzzy over details things like that but surprisingly he remembered that night.

I asked him what he meant when he said he did not want to “fill” my void. He explained that, he did not want to “feel” my void because he had enough void in his heart to “feel” himself. He said he was already drowning in “void” so he did not need another void to “feel”. I was like “what??” until I realized that what he meant was actually “feel” not “fill”… and Azwaj’s explanation to that screw-up was that as a musician they “feel” a lot of stuff like music, rhythm but not so much “filling” stuff…

hehehe..not Azwaj eh....

So, you have it…and that’s why they say “when you speak speak CLEARLY”… “cakap biar terang eh”….lolzz

Cheerio…

3BT – 10 March 2008

1. Waking up to Azwaj’s kiss on my forehead
2. Getting lots of assignments for my other blog
3. Having dinner at our favourite store and eating one and half plate of rice..and I complain when I gain weight….lolzzz!

Cheerio…

My Birthday Song

Back in 2004, my ex-boss offered me a contract position as his assistant in Singapore. It was for about two years. The hours were flexible and he, understanding that my hubby is Malaysian and that I would want to return every weekend, even offered that I could leave early on Fridays to go back to KL. Azwaj and me considered the position and it was too good to pass up. We have no kids so that was not a problem at all. After discussing and weighing the pros and the cons, we decided that we will give it a try for a year. After all there was sms, voicechat and even videochat nowadays.So I started work on 15 March 2004, a few days after my birthday. It was fun going back to work. I’ve always enjoyed working and to be able to work again with my ex-boss was terrific. Mommy was also thrilled to have me back in Singapore. So my routine was set. I would work Mondays to Fridays and I would leave early on Friday to catch the coach back to KL and then leave late Sunday back to SG for work the next morning.

A lot of people would say.. “Oh wow! Aren’t you tired? Travelling every weekend?”. My answer would be “How can I feel too tired to visit the one I love?” After a while I got used to it. I would board the coach and sleep right through the five hours and upon reaching KL would be all refreshed for an all night activity with Azwaj.

Then on this day today in 2005, Azwaj presented me with this song. It seemed all those weekdays night alone had given him time to write another song for me. He gave it to me in the form of a CD. It was beautiful and touching and set a new path for us after that.

Here it is…it’s called Queen of My Heart 🙂

When I gaze into your eyes
Makes me realize
How I miss you baby
Makes me lose my mind

Though we are a part
But always close at heart
Trust in me baby
Your smile grace my heart

Bridge/
I need your love everyday and every time
Til my breath runs out of time
Wanna hold you want you in my soul
Wanna kiss you without control.. mmm

C/o
Oh baby I’ll gladly let you know
You’re my sun and you’re my world
When you go and leave me all alone
My heart bleeds out without control
I believe and trust you with my soul
Take my life and take it all
Words ain’t enuff, you rule my heart and my soul

All I ever do
Is only think of you
The moment that I saw you
I know I’ll always do

A smile that won my heart
To forget is very hard
Carved your name baby
Deep within my heart

Bridge/
I need your love everyday and every time
Til my breath runs out of time
Wanna hold you want you in my soul
Wanna kiss you without control.. mmm

C/o
Oh baby I’ll gladly let you know
You’re my sun and you’re my world
When you go and leave me all alone
My heart bleeds out without control
I believe and trust you with my soul
Take my life and take it all
Words ain’t enuff, you are the queen of my heart

Songs ain’’t enuff, for the queen of my heart…

***lyrics copyright of ladyjava.org

I cried and I cried after that we decided that one year was enough for both of us to be apart. Being husband and wife means being together all the time. I don’t know how other couple did it but it was simply not us.. I returned to Singapore to tender my resignation. My boss was not too happy about it but he understood.So there you have it. The King has his Queen once again and they rule their kingdom together once again and live happily ever after.

Cheerio…

3BT – 7 March 2008

1. A lovely and much needed home visit has just ended and another one to look forward to in the next three months or so
2. The smile on Azwaj’s face while he waited for me at the coach terminal when I arrived
3. Seeing my kitties again after 4.5days absence

Cheerio…

The Secret's Out

Last week, Mama, on knowing that I was returning to Singapore, asked if I could do a favor for her. She wondered if I can get “Old Spice” and “Tabac” cologne for Abah. It seemed Abah really loved the scent and had long been looking for these two colognes in KL without success. He had even asked mama to see if she could get in Bandung on her trip there last month. Unfortunately without success as well.

Anyway, mama found out from my SIL’s husband that he “sort” of saw it in Singapore on his last trip there. So last week, she told me that if I could get it for Abah, it would be a great surprise… and so we both agreed it would be my mission this time around.

Then today, when me and Azwaj were over there, Abah came to me, patted my back and asked me “so you getting me Old Spice?”… I was like… ‘huh?’… in my mind was, “how did he know?”

Then I found out much later from Azwaj that it seemed, Abah, knowing that I was returning to Singapore, had the same idea as Mama did! He actually asked mama when I was going back and told her that he would ask me to get the colognes for him.. Lolz.. so now mama had no choice but to tell him that she actually thought of that already and had in fact approached me with the very same idea..heheh… I guess great mind do think alike eh…

So now, the secret’s out and it’s too bad really, I was really looking forward to seeing his face when I give it to him on my return… oh well.. Now I really hope I can find it Singapore…lolzzz

Cheerio…

3BT - 1 March 2008

1. It’s the start of my birthday and wedding anniversary month
2. It’s been raining the whole day and after a long absence.. it is sure a welcome event
3. Snuggling time with Azwaj and the kitties on the sofa watching the latest episodes of Lost. The storyline is getting more complex by the day!

Cheerio…